Things We Can Only Learn From Indian TV Serials - Chapter 1

Glorious life lessons that Zee, Star and Sony TV teach us everyday. This is why Soap Operas are Educational.

Characters

• Angry Hero (a.k.a. 8-Year-Old-Boy, a.k.a. Mentally Challenged Man)

• Saintly Wife
• Nagging Mother-in-Law
• Plus other characters

Background (a.k.a. the first 5000 episodes)

Angry Hero does not like Saintly Wife, despite the fact that she looks like Princess Diana and behaves like Mother Teresa. There is no real logic to this, it’s just how things are. Despite his constant torments (he works late, never smiles at her, never buys her presents, and I don’t think they have ever had sex – though, it is hard to tell on Indian TV if anyone ever has sex at all – children come directly from Heaven), Saintly Wife continues to suffer in peace (readies his clothes and black shoes in the morning, cooks his favourite dishes, uncomplainingly listens to Nagging Mother-in-Law’s well, nagging).

Plotline (a.k.a. the next 5000 episodes)

A serious car accident is imminent. That causes Angry Hero to become amnesiac, and promptly attain the competence of an 8-Year-Old-Boy (or Mentally Challenged Man – it’s one or the other, deliberately kept vague by the writers, presumably for legal reasons. We shall use both these character descriptions interchangeably). Nagging Mother-in-Law, who was previously an avatar of Queen Victoria, collapses like a house of cards. However, Saintly Wife rises to the challenge. Takes on the mission to heal the 8-Year-Old-Boy back to health, despite the best Brain Surgeon having uttered the cruelest words on TV – “I am sorry”.

Challenges abound, but Saintly Wife takes care of every kind of crazy that the writers can think of – house fire, Mother-in-law’s heart attack, Scheming Uncle wanting to devour property and business, business upheavals, cash crunch, police raid even. There is even a Nasty Distantly-Related-Nephew, who occasionally casts a bad eye on our virginal Saintly Wife. Our Saintly Wife is not just Princess Diana and Mother Teresa, she is also Warren Buffet and Thakur Baldev Singh (of Sholay fame). Needless to say, the Nagging Mother-in-Law converts over time (and even saves Saintly Wife from Nasty Distantly-Related-Nephew).  

After the audience has coped with many, many instances of impending-doom-yet-saved-in-the-nick-of-time by Saintly Wife, she and Mentally Challenged Man must conduct a huge puja in the house to thank the Gods. Amidst a lot of background music of chanting and temple bells, (and falling TRPs and drying up sponsorships), the Mentally Challenged Man must trip and fall a l-o-n-g flight of stairs, then wake up in a hospital after “Operation!”, “Brain Surgery!”, “Coma!” and “Unko hosh aa raha hai”, eventually to finally recognize his Saintly Wife as his wife, and smile at her.

Lesson Learned

It may take a decade, but eventually, all Saintly (or otherwise) Wives fix their husbands.