The Top 5 Ways To Stay Cool This Summer

One

Think of your most favourite politician to hate – Rahul, Sonia, Mamta, Maya, Kalmadi etc – take your pick. Recount all the crazy ways in which they are personally ruining your life. Seethe with anger, go into a blinding rage with fury.

But just before that moment when you are about to burst out like a volcano, go take a cold bath. And feel the new cool, refreshed feeling.

Two

I have 2 words for you. Rooh Afza.

I mean, it is ghastly, stay away from that hideous pink vile stuff. If you feel you must be Indian buy Indian, have a chilled Thums Up, though, unfortunately, your money will still go to a bad multinational called The Coca Cola Company. Drink a chilled Pepsi and support Indira Nooyi’s sinking company instead. (If you choose beer, make sure your money goes into funding Siddharth Mallya’s next failed venture)

Three

Encourage new talent. Sitting comfortably in your cold air conditioned room, tune in to any one of the numerous competition shows on TV.

The current mediocrity that rules the airwaves is Dance India Dance. Watch that and revel in the debris of dance called Bollywood-Tango or Bollywood-Waltz or Bollywood-Rumba. Or worst, Bollywood-Freestyle, where one can twist and turn in any way and call it dance. Applaud at how everyone takes this crapfest seriously. Kya baat. Kya baat. Kya baat. (Say that out loud instead of ‘Kya Baat Hai’ because that would make it correct Hindi, and we can’t be caught doing that)

Four

Visit the nearby movie theatre.

Go watch Housefull 2. Immerse yourself in the incredible acting talents of Johnny Lever, Chunkey Pandey, John Abraham and Jacqueline Fernandez. This is one of the best tragedies to come out of Bollywood this year – each joke dies a loud and painful death. The decibel level in the theatre stays constantly above 120 dB, which should prep you very well for a job as an Aircraft Lineman (they are the folks who assist airline pilots in parking their planes from the ground – the ones with those cool hand signals).

Five

Exercise. (Also known as – Go for a long drive)

This is mainly for folks living in Delhi/NCR and Mumbai. Drive 2.5 kms away to your gym in your air conditioned car. Carry your favourite music with you.  But make sure you leave home during rush hour. It should take you almost 45 minutes to get there. As soon as you get there, turn back. Nothing is more refreshing than relaxing in the cool solitude of your car for an hour and a half, with your speakers blasting the best of the 80s!