Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

My new entry. On why one must make wise choices when one is growing up. (Also known as - You have failed, but help your children pick the right career!)

Read it on my blog's new location below.

http://reekycoleslaw.com/?p=103

Chaar Deviyan

So, in December, India Blooms News Service printed my essay on PM Manmohan Singh being the quiet inspiration behind the Kolaveri hungama. How? Read on...


http://www.indiablooms.com/ColumnDetailsPage/columnDetails211211a.php

I Have A Ph.D For You

Interesting to google and find something that I wrote last year in the oddest of places.

Anna Hazare’s hunger strike for a strong anti-corruption ombudsman law has just ended with what seemed to be a victory to the civil society. But will law be able to root out corruption in a country where even the pilots secure their jobs with fake marksheets and degrees? Read on...

http://calcuttatube.com/fake-degrees-pilots-i-have-a-ph-d-for-you/147245/

The Top 5 Ways To Stay Cool This Summer

One

Think of your most favourite politician to hate – Rahul, Sonia, Mamta, Maya, Kalmadi etc – take your pick. Recount all the crazy ways in which they are personally ruining your life. Seethe with anger, go into a blinding rage with fury.

But just before that moment when you are about to burst out like a volcano, go take a cold bath. And feel the new cool, refreshed feeling.

Two

I have 2 words for you. Rooh Afza.

I mean, it is ghastly, stay away from that hideous pink vile stuff. If you feel you must be Indian buy Indian, have a chilled Thums Up, though, unfortunately, your money will still go to a bad multinational called The Coca Cola Company. Drink a chilled Pepsi and support Indira Nooyi’s sinking company instead. (If you choose beer, make sure your money goes into funding Siddharth Mallya’s next failed venture)

Three

Encourage new talent. Sitting comfortably in your cold air conditioned room, tune in to any one of the numerous competition shows on TV.

The current mediocrity that rules the airwaves is Dance India Dance. Watch that and revel in the debris of dance called Bollywood-Tango or Bollywood-Waltz or Bollywood-Rumba. Or worst, Bollywood-Freestyle, where one can twist and turn in any way and call it dance. Applaud at how everyone takes this crapfest seriously. Kya baat. Kya baat. Kya baat. (Say that out loud instead of ‘Kya Baat Hai’ because that would make it correct Hindi, and we can’t be caught doing that)

Four

Visit the nearby movie theatre.

Go watch Housefull 2. Immerse yourself in the incredible acting talents of Johnny Lever, Chunkey Pandey, John Abraham and Jacqueline Fernandez. This is one of the best tragedies to come out of Bollywood this year – each joke dies a loud and painful death. The decibel level in the theatre stays constantly above 120 dB, which should prep you very well for a job as an Aircraft Lineman (they are the folks who assist airline pilots in parking their planes from the ground – the ones with those cool hand signals).

Five

Exercise. (Also known as – Go for a long drive)

This is mainly for folks living in Delhi/NCR and Mumbai. Drive 2.5 kms away to your gym in your air conditioned car. Carry your favourite music with you.  But make sure you leave home during rush hour. It should take you almost 45 minutes to get there. As soon as you get there, turn back. Nothing is more refreshing than relaxing in the cool solitude of your car for an hour and a half, with your speakers blasting the best of the 80s!   

President Party-till-I-drop

Many decades ago, we abolished the Royal Privy Purse. Only that we didn’t really, did we?

First, WE take a so-called ‘ordinary’ person and put her in the chicest address in the country – 1, Rajpath, New Delhi-110001. (Notice all the 1s in the address?) This 360-room mansion can put The Antilia to shame, many times over. There is a giant courtyard in the front... and a massive rose garden at the back. There are staterooms and ballrooms of various shapes and sizes. There are billiards rooms, sunrooms, a library and Titanic-like grand staircases. The décor is exquisite, and the artifacts are priceless. The neighbourhood matches the grand address – the best shopping at Janpath and Connaught Place, the Patiala Peg bar at the Imperial, and Khan Chacha’s Kebabs are just a stone’s throw. It’s practically walking distance to the Metro!

President Patil and all her relatives attending the
Republic Day celebrations

Enough to make a girl feel like a Queen, right?
 
As if that is not enough, we give her perks that match the station. There is a 747 with her name on it. She also owns the best horses in the country and uses them to push around the coolest buggy this side of the Hindukush. She can summon anyone she pleases, including Prime Ministers, CEOs and Aamir Khan. She can even commute a death sentence if she chooses. When she is on the move, the city must stop.

One could get used to this kind of life. Wouldn’t you? 

Remember, YOU, the People of India, willingly chose to give her all this. And, YOU, the People of India have a problem if she makes 22 foreign trips on a jumbo jet full of family members sojourning from Seychelles to Sao Paulo? Or when she decides to construct a large retirement bungalow in sleepy Pune?
 
Get over it! Our HRH knows exactly how to live life Queen-size, as she should. I say, she needs to go on for a few more years to show her subjects what royal living is all about. Reason enough to support a second term for our Lady in the Sandstone Castle.

Better her, than five more years of APJ’s crazy hairstyle!