Dangerous Ishq - Movie Review. The title tries to warn you.

The last scene of Dangerous Ishq has Karishma Kapoor bawling her eyes out. I suspect that there was a range of emotions involved – Thank God the movie is over, Why did I subject the audience to this, Why did I say yes when this film was offered to me, Did I really wait so many years for this to be my relaunch film, What am I going to do with my tattered reputation after this, Why don’t people love me and my sister, Why don’t they make films like Prem Qaidi any more, etc. (Ok, ok, so perhaps she wasn’t thinking the last question)

I happened to catch Dangerous Ishq last night. There were all of eight other folks in the theater, and those kind of first day occupancy figures are already apocalyptic for a film, so I think I will be kind to it.

The story is simple. There is a hero, a heroine, a bunch of villains, a male do-gooder and a female do-gooder. Hero gets kidnapped, heroine searches for him, and male and female do-gooders help her in the search. After a few strange plot twists, which make you take some deep breaths from ennui rather than elation, it is all over, and the unhappy audience quickly springs to its feet and moves on with life after this minor mishap.

On performances, Karishma is earnest, red-eyed, and doesn’t shriek as much as she used to in the past, Divya Dutta and Jimmy Shergill (as the female and male do-gooders) are reasonably ok, and the hero is too new and inconsequential to even talk about.

Music is below average and strictly functional, but there is just too much background music – especially in scenes where Karishma looks down dark and mysterious hallways, which she appeared to do every 5-10 minutes.

Oh, and the movie is 3D. For absolutely no reason at all. Quite like buying an Ambassador and installing alloy wheels on it. Pointless, because it is still an Ambassador.  

Audience reaction overheard – “I think it was way too long…maybe they could have edited out an hour or so”. Point to note – the movie was only about an hour and 45 minutes in length.

Audience reaction also overheard – “I think she still looks good for her age”. Point to note – Karishma is 37, not 65.

Movie rating – Save your 250 bucks and go have a thali at Haldiram’s instead.

Things We Can Only Learn From Indian TV Serials - Chapter 1

Glorious life lessons that Zee, Star and Sony TV teach us everyday. This is why Soap Operas are Educational.

Characters

• Angry Hero (a.k.a. 8-Year-Old-Boy, a.k.a. Mentally Challenged Man)

• Saintly Wife
• Nagging Mother-in-Law
• Plus other characters

Background (a.k.a. the first 5000 episodes)

Angry Hero does not like Saintly Wife, despite the fact that she looks like Princess Diana and behaves like Mother Teresa. There is no real logic to this, it’s just how things are. Despite his constant torments (he works late, never smiles at her, never buys her presents, and I don’t think they have ever had sex – though, it is hard to tell on Indian TV if anyone ever has sex at all – children come directly from Heaven), Saintly Wife continues to suffer in peace (readies his clothes and black shoes in the morning, cooks his favourite dishes, uncomplainingly listens to Nagging Mother-in-Law’s well, nagging).

Plotline (a.k.a. the next 5000 episodes)

A serious car accident is imminent. That causes Angry Hero to become amnesiac, and promptly attain the competence of an 8-Year-Old-Boy (or Mentally Challenged Man – it’s one or the other, deliberately kept vague by the writers, presumably for legal reasons. We shall use both these character descriptions interchangeably). Nagging Mother-in-Law, who was previously an avatar of Queen Victoria, collapses like a house of cards. However, Saintly Wife rises to the challenge. Takes on the mission to heal the 8-Year-Old-Boy back to health, despite the best Brain Surgeon having uttered the cruelest words on TV – “I am sorry”.

Challenges abound, but Saintly Wife takes care of every kind of crazy that the writers can think of – house fire, Mother-in-law’s heart attack, Scheming Uncle wanting to devour property and business, business upheavals, cash crunch, police raid even. There is even a Nasty Distantly-Related-Nephew, who occasionally casts a bad eye on our virginal Saintly Wife. Our Saintly Wife is not just Princess Diana and Mother Teresa, she is also Warren Buffet and Thakur Baldev Singh (of Sholay fame). Needless to say, the Nagging Mother-in-Law converts over time (and even saves Saintly Wife from Nasty Distantly-Related-Nephew).  

After the audience has coped with many, many instances of impending-doom-yet-saved-in-the-nick-of-time by Saintly Wife, she and Mentally Challenged Man must conduct a huge puja in the house to thank the Gods. Amidst a lot of background music of chanting and temple bells, (and falling TRPs and drying up sponsorships), the Mentally Challenged Man must trip and fall a l-o-n-g flight of stairs, then wake up in a hospital after “Operation!”, “Brain Surgery!”, “Coma!” and “Unko hosh aa raha hai”, eventually to finally recognize his Saintly Wife as his wife, and smile at her.

Lesson Learned

It may take a decade, but eventually, all Saintly (or otherwise) Wives fix their husbands.

     

Do Your Bit - Make The Uncles Proud!

There are two blueblood Kapoor families in Bollywood – and each is achieving an important milestone tomorrow. Karishma Kapoor and Arjun Kapoor are out with their debut (or redebut) films this Friday, in their valiant attempts at keeping their respective Kapoor Khandaans’ ka Jhandas flying high.

And you were planning on catching Avengers? Or worse still, Jannat 2? Where is your sense of duty towards Bollywood Royalty?

It may be that neither of these films looks interesting in the promos, but that is not the point. The point is, if you had 250 rupees that were weighing too heavily on your wallet, which of these two Uncles would you rather make happy? 

It is a tough call - but no one said Life was a piece of cake. Choose wisely.